#gives me so much satisfaction
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Last night my father went on a drunken rampage and yelled at Jess and me for 20 minutes.
He told us it was our fault Rascal died, that we burned him to death, that we didn't really love him.
Then he came back and tried to apologize and hug me. I told him not to. To leave me alone. Then the crocodile tears went away and he got angry again! Surprise, surprise.
Anyway, does anyone have a single fucking clue of where I could get a job online? We have to get out of here before I kill myself.
#he does this sometimes and jess and i have to pretend nothing is wrong the next day.#but we just told our mom everything#so she'd know why we were acting weird#i told her that basically we hate her husband and have nothing to say to him anymore.#and she said she didn't know what to say to that except she's sorry#girl tell me that you hate him too#lol they used to fight so much#she'd told jess and me that she hated him and wanted to divorce him a dozen times in the past#like woman please god#he is useless.#i honestly wish he was dead!#Neil... baby... can you do me a favor 🙂#diaerie#delete later#suicide mention#but not really#like i will not hurt myself#not because of him i will not give him the satisfaction of killing myself#because then he would get to milk attention from everyone he knows
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Entertain me for a moment: how did you feel when there was the Bedivere reveal? Because none of it was planned originally, it just kinda happened and it is honestly one of my favourite thing of the demo.
Let me walk you through my irl reaction.
Seeing them in the yard: *dramatic gasp* HOLY FUCKING SHIT 😨
In the hallway right after that: oh fuck, oh shit 😰
Bedivere telling Arthur: oooooooooooohhh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit 😶
MC telling Saraah: well I was bawling my eyes out at this moment so this emoji 😭 is appropriate
So basically I was not expecting it at all :D lol
Aww this was exactly what I was hoping for❤
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knowing i should take a step back from tumblr for my own wellbeing vs. being emotionally attached to this app and the people on it
#tumblr would be tumblr without me—as would the self ship community. it’s silly for me to feel so invested this Thing that is just that:#a Thing. it can’t give me the love or care or satisfaction with life that i’m looking for. i’ve been hiding on here—escaping reality.#because it’s fun to live in an imaginary world where i’m everything i want to be. where i’m the main character.#but in doing so i’ve been neglecting the ugly parts of my real life; the pain and hurt and harsh realities.#over the past couple months it has become apparent to me that i tend to put too much trust and effort into people#who have neither the capacity nor the desire to reciprocate.#so i just look like a fool in the end. (this isn’t about anyone here—just a pattern of behavior in general.)#at the end of the day#having thousands of followers on tumblr has no impact on my real life. if anything it makes me feel more isolated than ever.#because it’s yet another arena where i feel like i have to carve out my own space; i’ve never been good at taking up space.#anyway i suppose i’ll take the weekend away and see how i feel. i’ve had a lot of shit happening irl that has been so horribly difficult.#so maybe getting through all of that will help me feel more comfortable on my own blog again.#if you read this all i’m so sorry. i’ll prob regret posting my heartfelt thoughts in the future but at this very moment i don’t care.#self preservation be damned.#please support ficsforgaza; i’ll still be helping aleks over there because it’s one of the few places where i feel useful.#okay i’m done now. i’ll see you later. i wish you all so much love and nothing but the best.#tw personal
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when falin does that tap-tap-tapping with her dragon claw
clap if you agree
#screaming into the void#idk why but it just gives me so much satisfaction#falin touden#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#my thoughts 💀
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I'm a transfem and really scared.... I just wanna feel safe and secure and small but I'm scared of all of it. mostly my hormones, because without it things won't go well for me :(
Oh yall are breaking my heart, like actually really truly fully breaking it
Please don’t stess yourself too much right now, don’t over consume the news right now or get trapped in all of the negativity. Don’t get lost in panic. I know, I KNOW everyone’s on edge and scared of where the world is and how much bad is happening everywhere but I promise you - I PROMISE you that we can get through it. No matter what happens you are you and no one, no matter how loud they can be, can take that away. Like the world can be as loud as it wants and get as bad as it pleases and it may be hard sometimes but it will never be able to take away all of the people who are rooting for each other.
Take a deep breath, calm yourself down. You’re still here and you’re okay and you have people on your side. I’m here on your side too and that won’t ever change.
#oh i hate this#i hate seeing yall like this#i got on tumblr to check up on things and there’s just So Much of this in the wake of the us election results and i hate it#like i want to FIX it for you#but i’m just me so all i can do is remind you that we have time and not to panic#the world will never fall to a place so low that it won’t be able to improve again#don’t give anyone the satisfaction of taking that hope from you#and if you’re overly anxious or scared right now PLEASE take care of yourselves#i am BEGGING you to take care of yourselves#put the phone down PLEASE and just relax for a moment#asks
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i found this lore entry recently and have not stopped thinking about it since. it is HYSTERICALLY funny to me that fandaniel's villain origin story was just being a fuckin boomer
One of few great minds in a land that had seen the slow, yet steady numbing of its people's intelligence, Amon long lamented the sorry state of Allag , concentrating his early scientific efforts on developing medicines to increase mental capacity . He soon realized that it was not knowledge that the Allagans lacked. If anything, they had too much. What his people lacked was a leader. With a renewed sense of focus, Amon shifted his studies to the field of vivimancy, and soon was conducting experiments on his own flesh in order to attain his final goal - the resurrection of Xande the First.
— Encylopaedia Eorzea Volume I, p. 25
#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#ffxiv amon#ffxiv fandaniel#i just. i Just.#the fact that he tried to fix it by doing research to literally just give people extra brain cells#before deciding the problem was ipad babies is KILLING me#i don't know why it's so hilarious but oh my fucking god#like obviously his real problem with it was a) that whole post about how there's Fun and there's Satisfaction from Achievement#which you need a balance of; because if you don't get enough fun you get stressed#but if you don't get the feel-good chemicals that come from working at and accomplishing things#it will fuck you up Badly; and make you horribly depressed; and you will probably try and substitute more and more Fun in a vicious cycle#b) not only did he live in the depressing nightmare sinkhole of resulting society-wide mental illness#but his attempts to preserve his sanity with meaningful work kept being appropriated into Fun by other people instead#and c) his exposure to the endpoint of 'utopia'; where everyone is happy and all their needs are (supposedly) met#was watching people get Bored and proceed to entertain themselves with horrific sadism and cruelty#he doesn't come right out and explicitly make that connection out loud; but going by his speech in the aitiascope it's pretty obvious#there's a Lot going on there; especially once you start getting into how he leans *into* the cruelty he hated so much#i could go on and probably i'll write up posts about it. it's fucked up and tragic and on a serious narrative level it tracks#but it's also SO SO FUNNY#ffxivtag#FF tag#shitposting#ableism cw#endwalker spoilers
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ok but do i want to actually sit and read through all the clockie animation stuff so i have better foundation for what i want to say? i guess
#avil plays hsr#idk if i actually want to write this ramble because i started rewatching a bunch of scenes that i needed to figure my thoughts out#but the more i gather the more im getting lost with myself so im like MMMMM#i gotta line these pieces up first#i think the trickiest thing about gallagher is wondering how much of what he says is true vs false#UH#ill just tag this as#hsr 2.1 spoilers#because thats the ramble in the tags#but like as a follower of enigmata hes prone to lying and conjuring even more riddles to confuse you#so i just have to wonder too#and if his whole facade as gallagher is fake. then how did he actually become part of the bloodhound?#sunday points out how gallagher stoles features from so many members of the family so. i just have to wonder#he couldnt have changed his identity without being noticed#so thats where i get confused. like How did you get in here in the first place using your disguise?#how did you fool people?#ANSWER MY QUESTIONS MAN (SHAKES GALLAGHER)#at the very least though: i think what he says about mikhail is true#i want to believe those are true even despite his false front#the things i want to talk about is like#well first i wanna make a whole timeline of the historical events of penacony#and that will give me a better idea of how things led to one another to present time#and THANKFULLY i rewatched because now i understand what gallagher meant possibly by traitor#but how did the family come to be?#how did the dreammaster come to be? (SHAKES THE GAME)#ok so i have to read more. so this will take longer#unfortunately maybe by the time i get all the information i want itll be too late and someone else wouldve said#SOMEONE PROBABLY DID#but i like the satisfaction of pulling the pieces together myself. thats the satisfaction of solving cases and puzzles ✨#my desk looks ridiculous now because its like. sticky notes everywhere because im like I HAVE TO MAKE NOTE OF THIS
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(oh, i should not be trying to playfully weigh in on a "who's your LEAST favorite companion?" post, it starts off lighthearted and then it makes me go on my Fenris-rant again)
#squirrel plays dragon age#long story short; I don't dislike the character per se; I just think Gaider wasn't the right person to write him#and I feel somewhat vindicated by the knowledge that he didn't really choose to write him but was more or less left with him#David Gaider is a good but very unsubtle writer. he writes feelings that are LOUD and CLEAR and PASSIONATE. which is not a negative#it can work splendidly; for characters who can carry that weight and stand up to it#like Dorian for instance- I think he's Gaider at his absolute BEST for me. LOUD and PASSIONATE but also OOZING charisma#and the apparent arrogance and flippancy just adds to that. knowing the image he wants to present and how he demands to be seen;#the lines/feelings that don't match what he says or that warm and vibrant persona create a kind of contrast I wanna explore#but Fenris... he feels just as loudly; but both he and the story approaches that passion from a different angle#his loud feelings are cold and ugly; so getting close is an uphill battle solved mostly by the player finding him intriguing#or charming; and WANTING to figure him out and interact with him to find out where those feelings come from#he's not crying out to be known; he recoils from you and snaps at you at first; and you have to keep pushing to get past that#all while holding (reasonable but hard) views that snag and create uncomfortable conflicts with most of the cast and usually the PC too#which... I could personally take or leave; so being pushed away deliberately; well; it achieved the intended effect for me#I DO feel pushed away. but since I don't personally find myself very charmed or intrigued; I also don't feel compelled to keep pushing back#looking at it through my Hawke; I don't see much of a reason for him to be in my party besides the expectation that I'm meant to like him#and I can't explain it away by my Hawke liking him either because with the kind of characters I like to play; he just... doesn't jive#which made going through his storyline not a desire for me but rather a chore; AND it didn't endear him to me but made me go#“well I get why you're the way that you are now.... I still don't really wanna spend time around you tho”#i realize it's ofc not the same for others; but to me; it didn't end up giving me much satisfaction#aw dangit; look at that; i started my rant again#why didn't anyone stop me huh#oh well slapping on a#fenris critical#and shoving this catharsis out the door like the incorrigible yapper that i am
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Obviously the comic has been over for a hot second that does not stop my frustration at how hard it can be to find Pimm's fic that isn't pre canon or pbj 😭 I want my boys adults and happy together is that too much to ask
#pimms#jackparse#idk pbj just doesnt give me the same satisfaction#and so much zim/bits is tagged with past pimms which makes navigating harder#chatter
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@distortionmewtwo Lucifer@Vector:
The big horned mew hovered in the air, gazing down at Vector with undisguised judgement. "Just what are you supposed ta be? Mew? Mewtwo? Some Meowth's hairball? You look like what you'd get if someone threw an algae-choked fishtank and moldy bread into a blender! Hah!" He did a lazy little roll in the air, sneering down at Vector. An eager, evil dare in his eyes for them to retaliate.
The strange creature hunched over watching the horned other with expression and body language that clearly read as pure terror and uncertainty her eyes glued to the floating individual as he loomed over her sneering and mocking.
However when he didn't strike nor more too quickly her ear like horns straightened slowly no longer back in fright turning if anything to inquisitiveness as she shifted her body slowly though still watching him to crouch using one hand to stabilise herself as her head slowly tilted to one side.
She blinked slowly in a manner that indicated she may not have even understood what he had been saying, or was choosing to not acknowledge it her tail moving and swaying lifting to rest on the top of her head two of the spikes sticking up while the third morphed back into the jelly like substance of her tail as she curiously mimicked his horns, at least the best she could.
Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery or so they say, though it could've been read otherwise. Foolishly perhaps, she seemed a bit fascinated by him now as her tail fell back down to resting on the floor, she lifted her body just enough from her crouch to curiously tap at one of his hooves as though seeing if it was real and not just a unique shaped paw, idly grabbing one of the points between her digits making little curious chirps and cooes in her throat.
#my art#Vector the mew/two#@distortionmewtwo Lucifer#Lucifer really came to mock my biggest weirdo character ever XD#Me watching Vector probably set herself up for a swift kick in the face like: baby girl are you SURE you wanna do that maybe don't??#Vector is lmao a bit of a fool really sees a mew that's different and strange looking and goes oh kinda like me!#He is not ur friend he is being mean to youuuu!!!!#Can vector speak? Eehhhh??? Unclear?? Can she understand him?? Probably?? I don't know probably I think she's just choosing to not speak XD#Really just not giving him the satisfaction of words because she doesn't talk much anyways lmao too distracted by his horns hooves and tail#I'm not sure how big lucifer is?? So I made him kinda big and threatening and she's probably kinda trying to look small#But she's probably about 4'5 head to feet so like she is choosing to make herself look small compared to him she could maybe tower over him#Weird little creature I love her but she is so so stupid XD#Sorry it's a rough sketch! Was meant to get this done friday and oops didn't so quickly sketched this out to answer#And sorry for forgetting his ear crimes XD sorry Lucy <- fun fact the file name was saved as VectorLucy because I thought it'd annoy him XD#my oc#pokemon#mewtwo#my writing
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Hey what if I was comparing them to animals again what then
#prey vs predator and like. the unending rage of Knowing you’ve had so much taken from you. being introduced to how far you can be pushed#against your will. and the satisfaction in feeling something come apart in your hands. using the energy for destruction. and in the#exhaustion knowing just how little it changed.#I was gonna go down beastly angst lane but 👍 that started giving me a crisis and I’m not doing that just at the end of lunch break lmao#in short tho he. very afraid of doing things wrong. hurting people.#in bery very short
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i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write i want to write
#sami rambles#i have the time. i don't think it's writer's block. i have the ideas. i just can't#i think my shitty creative writing prof has ruined me#jk i refuse to give her the satisfaction of that#i think i just want to write so much but i know i can't#im just having trouble getting my thoughts to slow down enough to organise them
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god whenever they get around to making xy remakes, i really really really hope they take their time with making those games. please for the love of god let those games shine in the way the original xy didnt. it is legit so stupid how forgettable xy is overall because you can TASTE how much potential those games could have had and so much of it fell flat. please please PLEASE give remakes of those games the spice they deserve
#not holding my breath tho bc i have so very little faith that gamefreak cares about pokemon games anymore!!!#xy and swsh were the worst games imo#and i hate it. i want to enjoy those games more so so badly#i want to have a good ass time with xy and i want diantha to be redeemed#god i would cry if in remakes she was a fucking steamroller#i want her to suddenly be so tough that she gives everyone who shit on her for being too easy nightmares#pls give my queen her glow up#no legit if i were to someday see the majority of players struggle with defeating her it would give me so#much personal satisfaction and i would never ever ever ever ever shut up about it#ever#headcanons
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alright, i'm done with hw for tomorrow (it's a holiday but i still got class... morning class...) and despite the fact that i dissociated hard earier today (fought against it, lost) which left me exhausted, and the fact that i've just had a beer on an empty stomach, i still feel like i've got a couple of more hours of energy before collapsing so!!!! back to writing!!!!
#i *love* being inspired#writing gives me so much more satisfaction than cosplaying & all#writers on tumblr
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Absolutely beat after this long busy afternoon but my mind is in a really good place so I don't really mind so much. Time to enjoy some good rest
#it gives me so much satisfaction to come home tired tbh#in a way these afternoons are kind of long workouts
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still kind of ticked abt how my trans friends get all the respect in the world and my parents are putting in effort to use the right pronouns and gendered words and then when it comes to me i get "you wont be a boy unless you cut your hair short" yelled at me at the dinner table
#my brother and my bio mom are like#''why wont you talk to us we want to help you and we want you to feel comfortable :(''#its no wonder i dont feel comfortable when my ''ally'' parents are allies to all queer people Except 🚨#*me#ive given up talking about aroace people in front of my stepmom cause shes just like#''ohh you just havent found the right person''#''i dont care what gender you kids like i just want you to have a partner someday''#im honestly like.#i have a partner now#and i dont want to tell her because then she'll just think ''you finally found the one💞💞''#no im still aroace . im still very much aroace.#you just havent bothered to listen to me or learn about my experiences#so im not going to give you that satisfaction
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